What makes me think I can fix my eyes

The reason I decided to try and improve my eyesight, the reason I even thought it was possible, is that I have a very clear memory of something very strange. About ten years ago, at a time when my eyesight was deteriorating very rapidly, I would spend a lot of time relaxing my eyes and exercising them. I was desperate to see clearly.

One day I was sitting at home without my glasses on. For some reason I'd got it into my head that if you really relaxed, if you breathed out slowly in the right way when you looked into the distance, things would seem sharper. So I closed my eyes, breathed in deeply, then exhaled slowly and opened my eyes and focused on the bookshelves at the end of the room.

It was weird and wonderful and my heart was in my mouth. Everything was absolutely sharp and clear. It was as if I was wearing lenses. There was no distortion, no blurring. My heart was racing. And here's what I remember very clearly. I knew that this state couldn't last. I knew I couldn't keep it up. And, inevitably, my eyes swam and everything began blurring again.

It seems crazy to me now, as an adult, that by believing something strongly enough you can make it happen. But as a child very little seems impossible. And I keep that memory of those few seconds of clarity as a kind of talisman. I know it happened to me, even if an opthalmologist wouldn't accept it as evidence. And since it happened once, I believe it can happen again. Which is why I'm trying, and hoping.